Excerpts from Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Vol 16(5); 571-590, 1999. Feeney, Judith; Issues of closeness and distance in dating relationships: Effects of sex and attachment style. Parenthetic comments & "Secure Revisions", Rob Phillips, 2002.

If he doesn't want to be close to me as much as I do, I'm such an idiot (low sense of self) because I push the issue (demanding, clingy). I can't understand it; I tell him I can't understand it, and he reacts completely the opposite and moves away more (confused, entangled). I suppose if I just left him alone, he'd come to me. It's that basic thing, that primitive man-woman thing (jargon, psychobabble)- where the man has to go hunting, the man makes the moves. If I left him alone, he'd come looking for me; he'd chase me rather than me chasing him. But we've been going out for quite a while; it's not the beginning where you have the chasing and courtship. The chase should be finished (fruitless analysis).

If he doesn't want to be as close to me as I do, I've learned to be gentle with our relationship and myself (valuing of attachment needs). Instead of pushing him I find he reacts much more affectionately if I redirect my energies to other friends, exercise or some personal interests (emotional autonomy). He doesn't always come around as soon as I like (meta - representational diversity), but I'm a lot more likely to feel better about myself by not pushing, and he eventually comes calling because he does enjoy my company (positive view of self/other). I haven't always trusted this (meta - representational change), but I'm determined not to sabotage this one (motivated to break negative outcomes).