BY JILL
SPITZNASS
The Tribune
April 3, 2001
Like it or not, your early family relationships dictate the success - or failure - of your adult relationships. That foundation is also the basis for the workshops that Rob Phillips offers.
Phillips, a Portland therapist, maintains that early memories from our childhood
form our sense of personal worthiness.
"This imprint follows us from cradle to grave," Phillips says.
"Recognizing (our) patterns early on helps us to make smarter emotional
investments." As part of his three-part workshops, titled SmartSignals,
Phillips presents the findings of more than 90 studies, conducted over 40 years,
that are largely based on the research of John Bowlby. Bowlby, whom Phillips
describes as "the grandfather of attachment theory," maintained that
children who had nurturing, early relationships, primarily with their mothers,
would go on to be healthy adults. Conversely, Bowlby believed that a failure to
bond meant inevitable emotional strugglesin the future.
Phillips
applies Bowlby's theories to his three-part workshops for singles and couples
interested in gaining an objective perspective on how intimate relationships
come together and how they break down. Participants learn to recognize the
telltale signs broadcast by commitment-capable - and incapable - people,
according to Phillips. They also become better equipped to repair
misunderstandings and protect themselves from loss, he says.
Kate
Mathews, a Vancouver, Wash., divorce lawyer who has attended the workshop and
refers friends and clients to it, agrees. "SmartSignals has made me more
aware of the choices I make in relationships, even if I'm still making the wrong
ones!" she says. "I've learned that the kind of man I've been
attracted to has been the wrong typefor me." Mathews is trying to cultivate
healthy relationships with better-matched members of the opposite sex.
Is it working? "I'm about as attracted to them as cold french fries,"
she deadpans. Phillips has been conducting the workshops for three years. A
licensed professional counselor, he has 18 years of experience as a
psychotherapist and corporate consultant.
The next SmartSignals workshop series will be held on Tuesday evenings, April 10, 17 and 24, and costs $125 per person or $200 per couple. Additional information on fees and registration is available from Phillips at 503-238-9755 or robp@europa.com